run foxy run

(care)giver

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 11:22:01 GMT

when the fatigue sets in..

picture perfect

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 14:26:42 GMT

"It's not what you think," I told Connor in my dream. "I'm not just infatuated with him because he's an actor --"

"I know," Connor interrupted. "That's what's worse. It's like you don't even notice the things the rest of the world does because you're so busy seeing him as a little wounded bird whose broken wing you can fix --"

"What are you talking about?" I exploded. "He's not some charity case." I concentrated on seeing things as Connor would. I wasn't trying to replace him, but there were enough similarities between my relationship with him as a child and my relationship with Alex now to make me realise that I couldn't help but compare the two. Like Connor, Alex protected me -- and he was the only person I let close enough to do it. Like Connor, Alex could finish my sentences before I did. But unlike Connor, for whom I had ultimately come too late, I was just in time to take care of Alex.

In the dream, a run of zebras skirted the edge of the plain, and when they distracted me Connor leaned forward to press his suit. "You're just the one to make it all better, Cassie, don't you see that? That's what you do best. You took care of your mother and you father and me and Ophelia. You collect other people's problems the way some people collect rare coins."

At this point in the dream, I tried to wake up. I didn't wan't to believe Connor; I didn't want to listen.

"There's a problem with wounded birds, Cassie," Connor said. "Either they fly away from you one day, or else they never get better. They stay hurt no matter what you do."

-- Jodi Picoult, Picture Perfect

you're now twenty twoo~

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 15:48:13 GMT

Haha my first post in a looooong time and it's to wish crystalove87 a HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :] Although I'm always so irritating and never online, you still bother to bug me anyway :D Thanks for all the arashi love and uh, yjapan temptations, i think..? :p I hope you had fun on your special day (where you gain one more year and more wrinkles XDD)

And now I'm going to sms you because for once I'm online and YOU'RE NOT!

smoke gets in your eyes

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Fri, 22 May 2009 15:47:46 GMT

Sometimes, I realised that some things are just so hard to put it into words.. Everytime I do I seem to put my foot further into my mouth, euwwch! I don't know, sometimes I wonder if I'm very mean. There's all these thoughts and opinions in me that I feel, but I don't quite know how to express. And I think it became apparent in tonight's msn convos.. :/ I don't quite know why, but what people think matter to me, and.. I'm scared.

Also, I just realised there's only a week left to CSFC! No more excuses that we "haven't learnt it yet" or "no one taught us" or "we're just year 2s" or "osce's just gonna be an informal test" haha, but I find that these aren't the reasons why I'm gonna miss csfc.. I think I met alot of people I wouldn't normally have talked to, but.. Of course there're some regrets too. Stuff that's been bugging me for the past 5 weeks, and somehow I don't know why the solution seems so clear now? t.r.y. :)

I just wish sometimes that
1) words were easier
2) life doesn't still feel like i'm an awkward teen trying to struggle through teenage blues
3) i really could charm people lah

Cadbury love :)

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 14:36:00 GMT

*Wouldn’t it be nice if the world were Cadbury?

You could surf inside a chocolate tube

Ride your board across the wave forever

Get wiped out and never get a bruise

And if a shark came up and tried to bite you

You could say ‘I’m chocolate - I invite you’

Wouldn’t it be nice?

*Wouldn’t it be nice if the world were Cadbury?

Chocolate roads and trees and birds and bees

Delivering all kinds of letters daily,

Every kind of purple parcel too.

And if the dog did try and grab a mouthful,

You could bite him back he’d taste delightful!

Wouldn’t it be nice?

*Wouldn’t it be nice if the world were Cadbury?

You could be a soccer super star.

The referee would blow his chocolate whistle,

A shot a goal would even break the bar.

And if you scored the winner

You could have the cup for your dinner.

Wouldn’t it be nice?

*Wouldn’t it be nice if the world were Cadbury?

Riding in the car would be a tasty treat.

Changing gears would soon become a problem

Cadbury dairy milk is so good to eat

When you arrive at your destination,

You’ll be greeted with an exclamation!

Wouldn’t it be nice?

(much thanks to kayleigh hurhur)

taking the uphill

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 13:51:14 GMT

CSFC today was really interesting, and unexpectedly so! I didn't expect to learn so much in a day that was supposed to be spent learning "communication", but I guess it really helped break us into the "taking patient history" mode. :) So tiring though, these days its been so fun, but I haven't seen some friends around at all, plus.. It's been sucky being so sick while on csfc (amongst other things).. Some people get grumpy, I get cranky too sometimes because after today I'm on the verge of losing my voice D; I hope the next 6 weeks will be fun though, I think I'm starting to get really comfy around my big CG, which is a really good thing cos I'm actually looking foward to spending time with them at AH :D

Unfortunately, I'm feeling so horrified at myself because I feel disgustingly unfit and flabby, I need to jog!! I seriously want to recover soon so I can finally start jogging again D: I took a long walk home today though (by alighting a few stops before my house), because the night weather was so nice and cool :) I also needed (wanted) to do some alone-thinking, and the walk home helped stablize my whirly mind.

This is really such a pointless entry, but I felt like making one anyway! Haha I'm off to bathe now, *poof!

p.s. Just to remind myself because I don't have pen and paper now; when taking history:
> ask the patient how he's coping with things
> remember to ask "is there anything else you want to tell me" before ending
> check timeline! remember that pt's problems may not be the cause of current hospitalisation

BBR

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:03:24 GMT

I've been meaning to post this for the past few days, but I just haven't had the time, between school starting and getting sick! =X

In any case, I was reading this article the other day, and I somehow website-hopped to this place and found this really interesting.. thing? XD The article's called "the fantasy of being thin", and I really thought that some of the things that were written there were quite true. I think we're all made differently, and recently, I've been thinking that as long as we know that we're healthy, that's all that matters right? It shouldn't matter how we look at all; and so I've been trying to jog faithfully to be healthy haha :p Plan is, unfortunately failing right now due to current sickness. D: But I do plan to jog at least 2 times on weekdays and once over the weekend though, I hope I can keep that up! I don't think that "having no time" should be an excuse for not exercising, because really, even if I jog for 30 minutes only, that's still better than being a couch potato right, hurhur :)

So anyway let's hope I can keep this plan up during cliincals la haha XD Actually I think the hardest would be to wake up early on a weekend to jog, just because I'm such a pig :p Once I start jogging though I feel awesome, so I must remind myself more of that feeling to motivate me hehh

Now, I shall whisk myself off to read up for procedural skills tmr (in tune with my new resolution that I'll read up more before class the next day haha)! Long day tmr, and since so many people in medicine are getting sick, I hope we all get better soon too! =X

Oh yes and ps, 10 points to whoever can guess where I got BBR from! :D

curse of the chocolate

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 11:02:32 GMT

.. has finally been lifted! Made my first successful chocolate confectionary today, together with yummylicious snickerdoodles! :D

Weather's awesome now too, which puts me in a happy mood. :) I'm sitting in my study looking out of the glass doors and I see 2 huge towers of clouds floating in the sky.. Which just makes me think of Aiba's cotton candy experiment. XD

Yesterday my mum asked me (yet again) if I wanted to have a 21st birthday party, and I think she means it for real! Haha I told her no, because:-

1) So much trouble to organise myself! Haha not that I'm opposed to a party thingy, but I always thought that if its your birthday, other people should be organising it for you right? Why would you organise a party for yourself inviting people to come tell you happy birthday? :p
2) Surprises are MUCH funner hehheh /sneaky sideglance
3) Huge party for all my friends from different places would just be so awkward! They don't even know each other too! The best is.. for all my friends from different places to throw me multiple different parties.. //sneaky sideglance again XD

Hurhur okay I could continue the list but dinnertime now, so I'll continue this post later! :D

what song?

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 16:59:05 GMT

Our song is the slamming screen doors,
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real low
'cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date "man, I didn't kiss her, and I should have"
And when I got home ... before I said amen
Asking God if he could play it again

I heard that randomly on the radio today, and it made me smile and want to cry at the same time.

Anyway, today I slept so much I (i) feel like puking now, (ii) have a headache, (iii) but still feel sleepy every 2 hours ! I think it's a sign I need more sleep. :p Note that (i) and (ii) could be signs of my immense sleep debt as well. XD

I finally have something I wanna bake, I hope it turns out well! Am severely disabled because my mixer thingy (what do you call that??) died on me so I can't make so much stuff that I wanna :( I hope my parents get a new one soon hurhurhur.. My mum said we should get a good one since I'm baking so much more now! *gleam in the eye

Tmr's a fun day I think! I'm gonna get up at 630am in the morning to bake, and hopefully I can get em out of the oven before my sister and parents go to work :D Then probably off to the stadium/gym to jog.. and I'm meeting crystalove87 for lunch yay! In the afternoon I figured I should probably file my stuff and get it out of the way.. And get som organisation done, in case I have to study for vivas.. :/

Also, note to self to return kayleigh her you-know-what (or rather, she-should-know-what) :p Haha kayleigh if you see this and know what I mean pls bug me for it! XD and then we can finally go out too! :)

life gets in the way

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 06:04:56 GMT

Is there something wrong with me, I'm at home the 2 days after my huge exam ends and I haven't even gone out yet since..

YJ and I agreed that post-microb was rather anti-climatic, somehow, perhaps because I might be viva-ed next week?! =/ Been sleeping ALOT, and it isn't enough yet, I'm still tired ! Finally found a recipe that I'm interested in baking, so providing the weather holds up, I shall go jog later and get ingredients at the same time, yumyum :D I hope it turns out well, so my family will have good stuff to eat tonight !

I'm so boring, even I myself am bored outta my mind at this post.

To lunch now, because its late, although what I really wanna do is sleep more.. !

fight song

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 05:45:44 GMT

Beacuse I need it. :(

いつも通りの君でいい
なんて言わない方がいい
そこからまた始まりだろう？
これが君には似合ってる

人は人　自分は自分
比べた時点で負けてる
自分に負けない強さが
どんな壁をも壊してく

時には泣いていいよ
弱いとこ見せても大丈夫
でもそこで腐るな！
まだやれる　その先の夢

どんないくつもの言葉よりも
たった一つの言葉がいい
まずは自分で踏み出してみて
「頑張れ!」　そんな安いヤツでいい

いつも通りの君でいい
なんて言わない方がいい
そこからまた始まりだろう？
君に届け　僕らの言葉

今は悩む事もあるでしょう
ヘコむ事だってあるでしょう
でも未来のどこかで君と
笑い合えれば道は作られる

どんないくつの言葉よりも
たった一つの言葉がいい
やっと一歩踏み出せたよね
「頑張れ!!」　ほらね似合っているよ

AM GOING TO FAIL NEURO. :( :(
I hope microb will be better tmr.
I never thought I'd see the day when there's a chance my microb might be better than neuro.
*strangled laugh

One more day!
Am not going to get much sleep tonight, that's for sure!

cupcakes :D

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 11:06:46 GMT

YAY the dark CA weeks are over! ..Although pros are starting in 3 weeks time again. T_T

My genetics was happily an 80%, although that cannot erase the horror of my shitty microb marks. D: Oh why do I do shockingly badly for microb even though this was the one paper (in all the other microb cas) that I studied my guts out the hardest for? :( Please don't let me get vivas! I'm just glad that there's essays in microb pros, because if its TF again without a doubt I WILL FAIL. I'm now nervously waiting my other CA marks though, I hope I do relatively okay!

Yesterday night was the first night I slept properly (stage 4 deep sleep hurhur) in probably 2 weeks? The last 2 weeks were really painful, even though I was tired at night I couldn't even sleep! I think I lost 1kg or so over the exam period too, despite missing out on my normal jogging haha XD This just shows how stressed I was and how hard I studied. :p

After cas yesterday, I rushed home to buy stuff and baked cupcakes! Lemon cupcakes yumyum.. Haha I think I have beginner's luck at baking, I bet the next time I try the same recipe again it won't be as nice. XD Anyway I ended up with ALOT of batter somehow, and that resulted in 80+ cupcakes! Of course they were really small la, not the huge kind.. :D Am really proud of them, but really, I'm too lazy to take a picture of them so TOO BAD. I'll bring more to school the next time I bake because I never seem to bring enough! :)

Right now I'm feeling sad again over microb, WHYWHY! I studied so hard for it some more sigh. Haha okay it's a not a devastating sadness, but more like frustration, stupid TF! I shall go download utaoni in HQ to watch all over again <33 :D

do you know that?

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 09:16:45 GMT

Yesterday when I was studying, I discovered JKpop on some digital radio station that Mediacorp has. Andrew once asked me how come I listen to so much Japanese songs ("is english not good enough for you?" XD) haha and I realised that it's because.. Sometimes its easier without words. Not everything has to be understood sometimes, and at least there's no english floating around to distract me when I'm trying to remember other hard medical terms! =/

3 papers down, 2 to go !

So much I want to say/do, but for now.. This will have to do.

interlude

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 15:18:46 GMT

Hmm.. I just felt like posting this song that I heard on some show and youtubed up haha.. Despite the fact that it's a Korean song, I think the lyrics and melody's pretty lovely. :) I've been feeling cranky and tired these days, most days I really don't want to go to school either, and sometimes I just want to be selfish.. Oh well,

20 days to go.

You’d always ask me,
‘how come you never say “I love you?”
do you really love me?’

But you know,
I wanted something more sweeter,
I want to confess to you just like those lovers from movies, so that you won’t forget

I’ve waited for the white snow
I’ll confess to you now, the words I’ve held back

I love you
your smile brighter than the sunset
your two hands that embraced me
I love you, I love you

I promise that I will never leave you
I will always tell it to you face-to-face

You ask me what’s to hesitate about,
‘is it that hard?
I want to hear what you got to say’

But you know,
I wanted something more special,
I want a special day I can always remember, so that it won’t pass forgotten

I’ve waited for the white snow
I’ll confess to you now, the words I’ve held back

I love you
your smile brighter than the sunset
your two hands that embraced me
I love you, I love you

I promise that I will never leave you
I will always tell it to you face-to-face

I don’t want to separate with you
not even a single moment
when I lean on you, I hope the time will stop
I love you

I love you
your smile brighter than the sunset
your two hands that embraced me
I love you, I love you

I promise that I will never leave you
I will always tell it to you face-to-face

I love you, I love you

hurr..?

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 10:30:15 GMT

How could anyone think that Robert Pattinson is cute/hot/good-looking/mesmerizing/etc?!

Look at that deranged murderous look!
This is one vampire I'd DEFINITELY run away from! :p

p.s. Okay I have more to life than Twilight vampires obviously, but I've no patience to sit down and type now while Pathology looms ahead. Shall update soon! :D (also to push deranged murder away from top spot on my LJ)

random musings

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 11:10:58 GMT

Something scary happened yesterday! Due to my really lousy immunology scores last CA (like really lousy, rock-bottom-viva-style lousy), my mentor actually sent me and email to ask if things were okay and if I needed help! Was totally shocked+scared after that email haha, although its nice to know that he's actually making an effort to email me, a measly year 2 :p But he was pretty nice about it, and said only my immuno scores were worrying and the rest of my CAs were "better than his ever were" XD

Second thing:- I stumbled upon a random discussion online in some forum about feminism, the question being whether (and I quote) "feminists are real or whether they just can't get a date". Of course given the gender-challenging nature of the topic, the discussion was quite fiery, with amusing biased opinions from uninformed (and i'm saying this politely) guys and girls alike.

But there were a few interesting opinions that I thought encapsulated the idea of feminism quite completely. One of them's pretty long, so run under the cut below if you're interested to read more.

"I find it hard to believe that apparently none of you know a thing about the feminist movement.

If you young women are interested in careers in areas other than teaching, nursing, clerical and retail sales than you can thank your feminist sisters for giving you that opportunity.

If any of you young women intend to have a career AND be married then you can thank your feminist sisters for making it possible for you to do both.

We used to have a choice, teacher, nurse, secretary, retail sales or wife and mother. That was it.

IF you plan on having a baby and taking maternity leave from work you can thank us. Fathers if you are going to take advantage of paternity leave, you can thank us too.

If you want to have legal representation in court and have community property laws when it comes to divorce you can also thank us.

In fact if you want to vote in any elections, you can thank us.

If you want to own property and get a mortgage without having man sign for you, you can - yup - once more thank us.

If you want equal pay for equal work you can thank us, same goes for when people are being considered for management positions at work.

If you want to be able to work and not have to sleep with the boss to keep your job - yup you guessed it, thank us.

If you want to be able to maitain custody of your children if you ever get divorced - yup, once agian, thank us. They used to just automatically go to the father, mothers had NO rights.

If you want the right to use birth control then once more - thank us.

If you dont want to open the newspaper and see classified that say "men wanted" and "women wanted" then - again - its us you thank. Be happy you warent classified as "pink collar" workers anymore.

If you want to attend medical school, law school, fly a plane, become a captain in the navy, , even be allowed on board a ship, become a police officer, a fireman, a school principal - thank us.

If you want to walk into a marketing or business course at college and not be asked if you are sitting in for your husband, then you can thank us.

And if you men dont want a wife who sees you as a "pay cheque" and stays at home even when there are no children and spends all her time shopping and spending the money you earn, and doesnt contribute as an equal partner, financially to the marriage, you can thank us for that too.

Its interesting "Tonny" is complaining about women "using" men as a "relationship of convenience" when this is EXACTLY what those horrible "feminists" have been striving for - the right to be an equal partner, and recognized as such - and not just a housekeeper and mommy, while "the man" brings it all home and the women spends it all.

I dont hate men, I have a wonderful son, I dont have trouble "getting a man" or keeping one, I have no problem "landing a husband" either.

I wish that everyone would educate themselves before spouting off tired ignorant comments they have heard from some hard-core women haters out there who cant stand that women dont believe men are superior to them.

As one man said to me once "women should not be allowed to drive semi trucks" and I said "oh really why is that, what's the difference between men and women that makes you a better driver?" to which he said "Honey if you dont know the difference between men and women I can show you -"

"Really? and how does that help you when you are driving your semi? Do you shirt gears with it? Is that why being a man makes you a better driver than a woman?"

I DONT think so. Feminism is about EQUALITY. Do YOU want to be the one to tell your daughters they arent equal to their brothers and dont deserve the same opportunities, rights or pay for the work they do?

Are you going to tell your daughter the ONLY role she has in life is to find and please a man so she will have a roof over her head and something to feed her children?

Think about it. I dont think so."

Very, very true comment above about feminism, but I think at the end of the day, feminism is still an ideal, and as with all ideals, the theory is always more rose-coloured and peachy than the Real Thing. As much as we want to have gender equality, do we really practice it? It's not about things like voting, or getting a position at work, and things like that. Although we want all that, sometimes (at least I feel) women still demand to be treated like, well, women. The more cliched examples are how alot of women want men to be "gentlemanly" and open doors for them, how men should give in when they cry (but men cannot cry, because ! it is not masculine), how they want guys to pay for their meal because - they have an XY chromosome, etc. Of course I'm not saying everyone does that - but there are some who do all the same.

And I think this amusing quote that I found from somewhere else awhile ago summarises the above situation quite nicely.
"Disabled people want equality, but still want their own parking."
Quite tongue-in-cheek, but nevertheless makes a valid point I think.

感謝カンゲキ雨嵐

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 13:53:57 GMT

So.. This song is for someone, who in all probability would never get to read this anyway, haha.. But I just wanted to post it here, because this song is encouraging, because it's helped me through rough times too, and simply because..

I like it. :p

Smile again, I'm smiling again
Smile again, I'm smiling again

So Soイイことなんてない
方向オンチの情熱Live
毎日 a Fool 墓穴掘る Fall
だけど何かにあこがれてたい
感動しない日々の中で
不確かな希望がBelieve In Love
いつか靴底で踏みつけたFaithが
君に出会って血を燃やす
So so, there are no good things
A passion with no sense of direction is how I live
Everyday I’m a fool who digs myself into trouble and falls
But I want to be attracted to something
In my unexciting days
My unclear hope is to believe in love
Someday my faith was trod upon
I will meet you and my blood will boil

砕け散った気分なら
ためらわずに
怒りをヤワな自分
自身に向ける Wow wow
When my emotions are torn to pieces I won’t hesitate
I’ll face my own anger and weakness, wow wow

まるで　ひとりぼっちだと
嘆くそばで
ガレキに咲いた花が
ユラユラ見てる
While lamenting that I am all alone
I see a flower that has bloomed amid the rubble

誰かが　誰かを
支えて生きているんだ
単純な　真実が
傷をいやしてく
Someone is living to lend their support to someone else
That simple truth will heal their wounds

Smile Again　ありがとう
Smile Again　泣きながら
生れてきた僕たちは
たぶんピンチに強い
Smile Again　君がいて
Smile Again　うれしいよ
言わないけど　はじめての
深い　いとおしさは嵐
Smile again, thanks
Smile again, as I’m crying
I think we were born to be strong when times get tough
Smile again, you are here
Smile again, I am happy
I don’t say it, but the first deep affection I’ve felt is Arashi (a storm)

つらい時は甘えてと
強く思う
大事な人の愛が
ハートの包帯 Wow wow
I strongly believe we should be fawned upon in the tough times
The love of someone special is the bandage for our hearts, wow wow

ウマクなんて生きれない
それは誇り
助けてくれた君は
同じ眼をしてる
I can’t live life perfectly, I’m proud of that
You helped me out, you seemed that way yourself

余裕をなくして
知らずに傷つけたかい
許して　許されると
人は素直だね
We probably lost the ability our composure and unknowingly got hurt
But forgiving and being forgiven makes people honest

Smile Again ありがとう
Smile Again 何度でも
立ち上がれる気がしてる
僕の勇気は泉
Smile Again ひとりでは
Smile Again いられない
とまどうほど切実な
祈るような　恋は嵐
Smile again, thanks
Smile again, for so many things
My courage to feel like I can stand up again is a fountain
Smile again, I cannot
Smile again, I can’t be alone
The confused urgency seems like a prayer for love that is Arashi (a storm)

So So　イイことなんてない
方向オンチの情熱Live
毎日 a Fool 墓穴掘る Fall
だけど何かにあこがれてたい
感動しない日々の中で
不確かな希望がBelieve In Love
いつか靴底で踏みつけたFaithが
君に出会って　血を燃やす
So so, there are no good things
A passion with no sense of direction is how I live
Everyday I’m a fool who digs myself into trouble and falls
But I want to be attracted to something
In my unexciting days
My unclear hope is to believe in love
Someday my faith was trod upon
I will meet you and my blood will boil

Smile Again　ありがとう
Smile Again　泣きながら
生れてきた僕たちは
たぶんピンチに強い
Smile Again　君がいて
Smile Again　うれしいよ
言わないけど　はじめての
深い　いとおしさは嵐
Smile again, thanks
Smile again, as I’m crying
I think we were born to be strong when times get tough
Smile again, you are here
Smile again, I am happy
I don’t say it, but the first deep affection I’ve felt is Arashi (a storm)

value: depreciating

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 16:01:04 GMT

Finally CA horror week, part 1 is over.

Haha, contrary to the excitement I'm supposed to feel - I'm actually feeling hollow-empty inside. There wasn't even a real post-CA celebration kinda thing, cos I had to go off early.. :( And while the rest of the world was out there watching movies and what not, I had a.. normal dinner at home. And caught up on sleep.

I don't know why, but I feel so distanced from so many people nowadays.

Haha I guess I'm just in one of those undecided kind of slumps, where you know everything just seems to make everything else worse.. XD I feel my self-worth plummeting actually, sigh. D:

Okay, I think I should sleep early, because 1.5 hours of sleep last night is clearly doing me in today haha..

And because tomorrow will be a better day, maybe. :)

and no one's there to save you

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 13:23:34 GMT

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

Horribly old-school song, but sigh, it's been a shitty day. D: Terribly long day at school, beginning at 8am, plus our lunch break was shortened to 10 minutes! I was floating through the entire day, I didn't even know what I was doing - just attend lectures, take notes, make passably appropriate responses to questions to somehow seem like I'm still alive.

Somehow, I don't even know what I'm typing here right now, I can't even put this storm inside of me into words at all.. Or maybe possibly the lyrics above say exactly how I feel.

Okay, off to virology right now, yet again! D:

May tomorrow be a better day.

three

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 15:31:16 GMT

Today on my way home, I saw this message at a busstop:-

It takes one minute to have a crush on someone
One hour to like someone
One day to love someone
But it takes a lifetime to forget someone

Haha I can't help but think it's quite true actually - but let's hope I won't ever need that lifetime. :D

So many days, weeks, months spent together, what else can I say,

but Thanks? :)

fool for you

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 14:44:48 GMT

It's been a long long loooooooong weekend!

On friday, because we declared that we would end early (by ponnin pdcp), Jason and I headed over to his house to dump his stuff; and because we were there, we decided to stay there and mug too. But haha, I was so tired I was practically drowsing off while reading Abbas, and my frantic efforts to keep awake just made me feel like puking D; In the end (after a long struggle and 10 pages of Abbas), I gave up and somehow we started talking.. And we ended up having a sometimes-weird-sometimes-crazy-sometimes-serious talk for almost 2 hours I think?! In the end I left his house and headed home more than 1 hour later than I'd intended to! Haha I don't even know how we ended up talking so seriously and finding out so much stuff.. But it was good I guess. I think we haven't talked like that since.. who-knows-when!

Saturday we spent the (short) afternoon studying together at novena - haha it was so funny cos we met Shawn, then 3 mins later when we were crossing the road, we bumped into Ray in the middle of the pedestrian crossing! I never knew novena was so populated by medicine folks. XD

Good news is: I'm FINALLY finished with Abbas!
Bad news 1: It's taking DAMN LONG to re-read and make notes for every chapter
Bad news 2: To my extreme frustration, I find that I can't remember stuff I've read before, but what's worse is that I'm actually finding out new things when I read the second time! Argh, I feel like such a failure at times like these :(

2 more short weeks to CAs, and as gruelling as these 2 weeks are going to be, I find that I don't want them to end! Because what comes after that is the HORROR of CAS D:D:

SIGH I feel like a jing di zhi wa sometimes you know, like all I see is my little medicine hole around me and I'm just studying studying studying for CAs, and then Pros, and then before I know it one year would've rolled past again.

oreo cheesecake

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:34:20 GMT

I seem to be baking a whole lot these days but baking is just so fun! I made a (pretty huge) cheesecake for Jason's birthday yesterday, I'm glad it looked/tasted fine! Haha and no one seems to be falling ill yet so that's good I suppose. XD I wanted to take photos of it but, eh, I was too lazy.. D:

Been falling sick these few days, ack! I've been making horrible progress on my Abbas, but I'm determined to hit page 200 at least by tonight hoarh!! I shall finish abbas hopefully by tomorrow night, finish immuno revision/summaries by saturday night, and then on sunday I shall start on microb or patho I think! Hopefully I'll finish all 4 subjects before CAs.. =X

Life seems to be surreal these days, and I just seem to be moving around in a cloudy hazy dream-like state. I know what I'm supposed to do and how I'm supposed to act, and I follow what I know I have to - and clam up about all my little petty thoughts. It seems to be working so far, but hmmm.. I guess sometimes it might be nice to actually feel that you care, even if i know that you do.. Afterall, being rational and emotional are two very different things - and whoever said that women were emotional were right! :p

Abbas beckons, sadly! I shall continue chionging ahead and take a break at 9 to watch the trashy unrealistic so-weird-its-funny 9pm channel 8 drama haha! :)

thank you for my days

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 15:40:55 GMT

I baked biscotti successfully this morning!! :D

Haha I brought some to school and it was so satisfying seeing how people liked it.. Thanks andrew for being greedy and wanting seconds, I'll bring you more on friday! XD And edward was so nice and encouraging, he told me that my biscotti was exactly how it should be *floats up in delight :p Even my mama was pleasantly suprrised that I managed to pull that one off, and that I managed to bake it from scratch, hurhur..

I shall take photos the next time I bake (likely thursday maybe!) and attempt to NOT get the greasing paper to stick to the biscotti next time D: And I shan't force people to eat biscotti unless they ask for it, else its so gaowei making people try right? Haha I'd rather feed the greedy and hungry people hoho! =]

Speaking of which though.. Thank you kayleigh for telling me you appreciate me, even though I wasn't referring to you in my lj post at all, really! I shall go say thank you to a few awesome people in my life now, just because. :)

AND THEN I SHALL MOVE ON TO ABBAS.

Big sigh. D:

On a random note though.. I think these days I'm pushing aside alot of the unhappiness that I feel, and concentrating on forgetting them and being happy (or at least looking the part).. I think that makes it easier to bear somehow, and I guess I just don't have to energy to fight anymore. Doesn't mean I'm happy, just that I'm counting the little floaty bits of blessings that come my way. :)

quicksand

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 14:48:22 GMT

I haven't slept at all in days
It's been so long since we've talked
And I have been here many times
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

There's only so much I can take
And I just got to let it go
And who knows I might feel better
If I don't try and I don't hope

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

No more waiting, No more aching
No more fighting, No more trying

Maybe there's nothing more to say
And in a funny way I'm calm
Because the power is not mine
I'm just gonna let it fly

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

Yay end of renovations! (Forever, hopefully.) Haha, because school starts at 12 tomorrow, I shall jog and bake my biscotti tmr morning! Baking makes me happy. :D

I was clearing my beloved laptop last night, and storing stuff away in my external hard drive, and watching old stuff I had long long ago.. Heh can't believe the crap I used to watch. XD BUT OF COURSE not all is nonsense hahaha I love my disney movie collection in my hard drive!

Sigh this was such a terrible weekend, between renovations and more renovations I haven't read as much as I'd like to. I'm going to chiong abbas tonight! The weekend still isn't over so I can (maybe) still meet my goal of reaching page 140 tonight! XDD (secretly I can't believe I've actually read over 100 pages of a textbook, I'm HORRIBLE at reading textbooks because my patience always wears thin D:)

I'm such a geek sometimes.. :p

with open arms

flubberzee@yahoo.com.sg — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 15:40:32 GMT

Double post in a day! Because I just saw a video that made me think.. That the song below is one of my favouritest songs ever. Not because it has spectacular lyrics or a great melody or that it means something to me (actually it does, now), but simply because all the people I've heard singing that, sing it awesomely.

And that makes me happy. :D

Lying beside you, here in the dark
Feeling your heart beat with mine
Softly you whisper, you're so sincere
How could our love be so blind
We sailed on together
We drifted apart
And here you are by my side

So now I come to you, with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me
Open arms

Living without you, living alone
This empty house seems so cold
Wanting to hold you, wanting you near
How much I wanted you home

But now that you've come back
Turned night into day
I need you to stay

So now I come to you, with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping youll see what your love means to me
Open arms